Fresh Courage Take
I had to delete something out of my last post, so I'm going to explain it here. I have a knack for making friends with choice individuals (no sarcasm here) who aren't afraid to speak their minds with me. I'm extremely grateful for this and don't take offense, especially when I know I'm the bonehead. And I cherish these delightful relationships more than I know how to express adequately. So if you show up in my blog, nameless, pat yourself on the back and know that you have one friend in New York who is grateful for your feedback.
Moving on now.
This week was a big turning point for us in many ways. Some good, most not.
WORK
My job isn't going well. I love to teach in general, but there is literally no part of this job that I look forward to. The boss (who we refer to at home in other, less favorable titles) can only be described as a true sociopathic &$%#*@#. I've never worked for one of these and never care to in the future. It wouldn't be so bad, except the school itself is so tiny I can't escape his beady eyes, plus he's peeking in my room all day to check on my teaching and making sure I'm doing things his way. Plus the kids are entitled and rotten--and I'm talking mean, jumping on chairs, throw things at each other, total disrespectful rotten. Plus there is hardly any air conditioning and I came away with heat exhaustion a few days in a row. Plus he expects full time teacher effort for paying part time, teacher's aide salary. Plus he will criticize and make wrong assumptions about everything and instead of taking responsibility, he blames all that goes wrong on his teachers. And wife. Plus his kids are in the school and they make life miserable, too. I had to tell his teenage son that under no circumstance was he to ever share his opinion on homosexuality, politics, or gender roles.
So my job isn't going well. So not going well that I loathe being there at all and if I think about it long enough, like more than 5 minutes, I get so lividly irate that I can't function.
We considered the option that maybe I should quit and focus on something else, like finding employment for the fall. We talked about it ALL of last weekend and this was the decision up until the very last minute when I had to go to work. And I decided to go to work and put fall job hunting on hold.
HOUSING
After work on Monday, we decided to put a deposit on an apartment in a GREAT neighborhood with excellent schools. And then we looked at one more place, a newly renovated brownstone/rowhouse apartment with a full washer/dryer hookup. We put a deposit on it, too. To shorten this lame story, the great neighborhood didn't want us. I idolized this neighborhood and location and it's not mine to have. We are moving into a neighborhood that, although very safe, has no character or community and is very run-down. It's 80% Hasidic Jew. It's next door to an all-girls Hebrew school that I can't even pronounce. It's going to cost $7,000 to move in, not including utilities. We discovered that the public school is extremely bad and no way in tarnation will my kids go there. So for a few days we thought maybe I would homeschool and we'll live without my income. But then this happened:
EX-HUSBAND
Hannah called me the other night in wailing tears. Her dad had just quit his job and refused to buy tickets for them to go to the Mapleton Pioneer Day celebration, which he had promised to do. He doesn't have another job lined up. He's already in the hole with child support and now won't be paying any. So much for homeschooling and not working. Though I'm not surprised, I'm SO upset and furious about the whole situation. He's put the girls in a terrible, emotionally and financially unstable position this summer (well, always) and I feel powerless. It's taking tremendous amount of self-control for me to not get on a plane and snatch them out of that place. It's difficult to talk about and probably very hard to understand, especially if you never knew him. But if you did, you know exactly what I'm talking about and you're probably yelling obscenities his way.
TEMP HOUSING
We continue to stay with airbnb sublets and have a place to live until August 8th. The new apartment will be ready to mov into August 1st, but we'll probably give it a few days to get utilities hooked up. We learned that hard lesson in Miami, living without hot water or internet for a week.
Right now we're staying in West Harlem, a few blocks north of Columbia University. The apartment is owned by a recent graduate from their Master's program in Russian literature something-or-another. It's lovely, really. She has a fascinating book collection and some unpronounceable food in the cupboards. The area is beautiful and the 5 long blocks of straight uphill from the subway station are just what my flabby rear end needs right now. It's still Harlem, however, and we have to be careful about no going down the wrong street or being out at night. And as usual, we are having way too much fun ordering food delivery (seamless.com!!) and gorging our pie holes several times a week.
AHEAD THIS WEEK:
1) Try really hard to make myself go to work. Look for another job/get creative with the fall schedule after work and in between fits of rage at the boss.
2) Try really hard to not fly to Utah and take back the little angels.
3) Try really hard to like our new apartment/neighborhood in Brooklyn.
4) Basically just grab a better attitude.
And this might happen:
a) Eat more seamless.com
b) Watch Jacob study for boards
c) Find something to be grateful for
And it might not.
Moving on now.
This week was a big turning point for us in many ways. Some good, most not.
WORK
My job isn't going well. I love to teach in general, but there is literally no part of this job that I look forward to. The boss (who we refer to at home in other, less favorable titles) can only be described as a true sociopathic &$%#*@#. I've never worked for one of these and never care to in the future. It wouldn't be so bad, except the school itself is so tiny I can't escape his beady eyes, plus he's peeking in my room all day to check on my teaching and making sure I'm doing things his way. Plus the kids are entitled and rotten--and I'm talking mean, jumping on chairs, throw things at each other, total disrespectful rotten. Plus there is hardly any air conditioning and I came away with heat exhaustion a few days in a row. Plus he expects full time teacher effort for paying part time, teacher's aide salary. Plus he will criticize and make wrong assumptions about everything and instead of taking responsibility, he blames all that goes wrong on his teachers. And wife. Plus his kids are in the school and they make life miserable, too. I had to tell his teenage son that under no circumstance was he to ever share his opinion on homosexuality, politics, or gender roles.
So my job isn't going well. So not going well that I loathe being there at all and if I think about it long enough, like more than 5 minutes, I get so lividly irate that I can't function.
We considered the option that maybe I should quit and focus on something else, like finding employment for the fall. We talked about it ALL of last weekend and this was the decision up until the very last minute when I had to go to work. And I decided to go to work and put fall job hunting on hold.
HOUSING
After work on Monday, we decided to put a deposit on an apartment in a GREAT neighborhood with excellent schools. And then we looked at one more place, a newly renovated brownstone/rowhouse apartment with a full washer/dryer hookup. We put a deposit on it, too. To shorten this lame story, the great neighborhood didn't want us. I idolized this neighborhood and location and it's not mine to have. We are moving into a neighborhood that, although very safe, has no character or community and is very run-down. It's 80% Hasidic Jew. It's next door to an all-girls Hebrew school that I can't even pronounce. It's going to cost $7,000 to move in, not including utilities. We discovered that the public school is extremely bad and no way in tarnation will my kids go there. So for a few days we thought maybe I would homeschool and we'll live without my income. But then this happened:
EX-HUSBAND
Hannah called me the other night in wailing tears. Her dad had just quit his job and refused to buy tickets for them to go to the Mapleton Pioneer Day celebration, which he had promised to do. He doesn't have another job lined up. He's already in the hole with child support and now won't be paying any. So much for homeschooling and not working. Though I'm not surprised, I'm SO upset and furious about the whole situation. He's put the girls in a terrible, emotionally and financially unstable position this summer (well, always) and I feel powerless. It's taking tremendous amount of self-control for me to not get on a plane and snatch them out of that place. It's difficult to talk about and probably very hard to understand, especially if you never knew him. But if you did, you know exactly what I'm talking about and you're probably yelling obscenities his way.
TEMP HOUSING
We continue to stay with airbnb sublets and have a place to live until August 8th. The new apartment will be ready to mov into August 1st, but we'll probably give it a few days to get utilities hooked up. We learned that hard lesson in Miami, living without hot water or internet for a week.
Right now we're staying in West Harlem, a few blocks north of Columbia University. The apartment is owned by a recent graduate from their Master's program in Russian literature something-or-another. It's lovely, really. She has a fascinating book collection and some unpronounceable food in the cupboards. The area is beautiful and the 5 long blocks of straight uphill from the subway station are just what my flabby rear end needs right now. It's still Harlem, however, and we have to be careful about no going down the wrong street or being out at night. And as usual, we are having way too much fun ordering food delivery (seamless.com!!) and gorging our pie holes several times a week.
AHEAD THIS WEEK:
1) Try really hard to make myself go to work. Look for another job/get creative with the fall schedule after work and in between fits of rage at the boss.
2) Try really hard to not fly to Utah and take back the little angels.
3) Try really hard to like our new apartment/neighborhood in Brooklyn.
4) Basically just grab a better attitude.
And this might happen:
a) Eat more seamless.com
b) Watch Jacob study for boards
c) Find something to be grateful for
And it might not.
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