a blended life

Dear Mom, When I found out you passed away in your sleep, I felt a very odd relief. I had been carrying two large bags of grief--one for dad and one for you because you lost dad. Your sadness was palpable. It was stage 4 grief cancer and when you died, I knew the suffering was gone. But I'm still carrying two large bags--one for losing you and one for losing dad. The empath in me doesn't feel all of your sadness anymore. I just feel my own. Hannah fell on the side of her foot this week. It immediately became misshapen and she couldn't put any weight on it. Sounds broken, right? Nope, just a serious sprain. She is in so much and missed three days of school. Remember when she broke her foot at your house in 3rd grade? And how mad she was because the shoe they gave her was super ugly? Lucy has been so sick for a whole month. I finally took her in to have bloodwork and a STOOL SAMPLE (so gross) and turns out she is fighting two different stomach viruses. She had three h...

Dear Mom, You left 4 months ago. You clearly didn't mean to leave when you did, with your shoes sitting by the door and your unfinished paper boxes of chocolates for Relief Society. No one else wants to hear how the girls are doing. No one else has lived with us for so long and understands them and the dynamics of my family like you do. I've retreated into my own silence and my own world, desperately trying to survive each day--sometimes each hour--knowing that although so many friends and family care (and I couldn't survive without their support), there is really no one left that has experienced firsthand the horror story I'm starring in. We had parent teacher conferences last night at Leah and Hannah's school. We had to bring Lucy, who wet her pants twice and cried to go home. Here's a summary of teacher comments: HANNAH: *a natural leader *most well-liked student *grades range from 85 (one class) to 93-99 (every other class) *no missing assignment...