a blended life

The past week has been a blur of busy, but one that I enjoyed very much. I have almost zero brain activity to give each event enough attention, so....I'm not going to. I will post some pics tomorrow or as soon as I can. My birthday, friends and family visiting, lots of food, a mission friend going throughout the temple, a head cold that left me with "an overall feeling of generalized malaise" (thank you, med student), and a stomach bug. Plus two days of work. Seriously, a great week except my bro and sis were in the Northwest and not in Utah. I'll leave everyone with this little dog selfie. Juno is a good sport and is a lot like me--always wants to play :).

The few bad weeks we had are a distant memory now. I went to bed Sunday night and felt the world fall into place. This whole week has been kind of surreal and floaty--I've had the oddest feeling of calm and peace about everything. There are a lot of changes ahead, but isn't that true for everyone? On Monday, the director of Special Ed for the whole district paid me a surprise visit. I was teaching a 1st grade math group--three extremely strong willed kids that I think are hilarious--and he came to check to see that I had been keeping data on reading progress. I had, luckily (insert HUGE sigh of relief here). We chatted for a few minutes about social motivation, he gave me a pack of M&Ms with a "Good Job!" sticker on them (I guess we're never too old for candy and stickers) and left. After his visit, he sent me this email: Carrie, I enjoyed visiting with you today. Thanks for your positive and upbeat approach to a challenging and important job. I know tha...

I spent three hours at my parent's house for my mom's birthday. My mom is the kindest, hardest working person I know. There were a lot of people there and a lot of yummy chocolate cake. My dad did a great job of organizing it and making mashed potatoes with a ricer.  It's been a rough week. My aide at work has a daughter in the Phillipines--the poor girl rode out the typhoon barely surviving on a roof. My kids are falling apart at the prospect of having both a stepmom AND a stepdad in December. I'm falling apart wondering how I'm going to survive another month alone here and how many more mice incidents I have to clean up during that time. I know I should write them down but I'm too tired right now. Stephen drove me around in his new toy. He's worried that his wife will be too sick to go the Michael Buble concert that they have 4th row seats for, special company seats. I tried to feel bad. I talked to Mason about step families and the impact it has on...

I'm posting because my soul feels heavy and empty at the same time and I want to write exactly what's going on. I don't want sympathy comments or sideways hugs and the accompanying, obligatory, "How ARE you?!" I'm fine and this will pass. But this is my blog and I'll be an emotional wreck if I want to. Denial, betrayal, anger, depression, acceptance. These are the stages of grief. I figured out Sunday that I've been shuffling in and out of these phases since Jacob left in August. This week it's depression. I want it to go away. I talked with Jacob in a very frank discussion. We have lots of these. It's one of my favorite things about our relationship--that we can be so blatantly honest with each other. He said he's been going through these phases, too. I work with a psychologist (a fantastic one) and a speech pathologist (also fantastic). We spend a lot of time collaborating on our case load and trying to get all the paperwork done ...

I've been meaning to post this for a few months. I'm not sure why it keeps popping in my head, so I'm getting it out of my head and onto paper. Or whatever this is. My favorite blogger, Allie Brosh, wrote one of the best descriptions of depression I've ever read. I should make a four-letter word disclaimer. There are a few four-letter words. Not that this is justification, but if you've ever experienced depression, four letter words aren't accurate  or sufficient anyway.  If you want to read about depression for any reason, here you go:  http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com . Scroll past the dinosaur costume post and click on "older posts". It's called Depression Part 2. Depression isn't feeling sad, it usually develops into feeling nothing.  Empty, hollow, floating. She talks about the moment she started to come out of it as seeing a piece of corn under the fridge and thinking it was the funniest thing in the world. I remember a certain t...

I've been to a Sting concert. I've been to a Paul Simon concert. But I haven't been to a Paul Simon/Sting concert. And I'm going to spend the rest of the week trying to figure out how to go.

My life in numbers: Basset hounds living in the backyard: 1 (landlord's dog but we deal with it everyday.) Bike baskets the dog has eaten: 2 Pumpkins the dog has eaten: 4 Times we've dragged dog poop into the house: 2 Fast food places in Santaquin that I'll eat at: 1 (Subway.) Money from the district and state I have available to use on teacher supplies: $700 Minutes it takes to get to Mapleton: 30  Houses my kids would trick-or-treat at: 10 Ex-husbands who walked with us: 1 Hobo spiders in the bathtub: 1 Mice on the kitchen counter: 2 Floating dead mice in a soaking crockpot: 1 (&%#$@) Hour time difference between here and Grenada: 3 Units of patience I have for time difference: 0 Weeks until Jacob gets back: 6 Amount of underwear in my drawer since I didn't do enough laundry this weekend: 1 *Quick side note--we had a GREAT Halloween in Mapleton. Very quiet and laid-back, my funny kids didn't really want to trick-or-treat. Hannah spent th...