a blended life

I should be in bed right now, but a major head congestion problem is keeping me awake, so I thought I'd blog a bit... We finally got some help for Leah today that I think might actually be, um, helpful. We met with her pediatrician, who's been following our case with her. She got us in contact with a guy in Salt Lake. This guy (still don't know his name) had some great suggestions for us that we can try here in Cache Valley without haven't to haul our butts to SLC for appointments. If what he suggested doesn't work, there are still options out there for us. Overall I feel like we're going in the right direction. The first suggestion he gave us to give Leah some melatonin for sleep (maybe we'll slip Hannah some too?), then we are supposed to meet with an occupational therapist about some sensory issues that she struggles with. We also have some other things to try, but I think this will definitely get us started. This is a sidenote, but Hannah said the prayer...

This needs to be said: Thank you to those who have called and emailed about yesterday's post. I forget sometimes that the things we are going through with Leah are not typical for most families and can be alarming to read about. She is a delightful, smart, funny, and wonderful little girl who has some very difficult challenges. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to find the right help. But we have hope and aren't giving up. "It's not easy being me." Due to my stupid internet, I can't post the rest of the pictures or stories from today. Both girls are excited about Halloween this year and we are looking forward to some trick or treating!

I'm watching the Charlie Brown Halloween special while trying to wind down from a long week with Leah. Last year, when Hannah was a newborn, she became very violent. It tapered off a bit, but now it's back with a vengeance. She has more strength and more language to go with her attitude. It's hard to describe what she does-maybe that makes it too real. It is heartbreaking to see her hurting Hannah. We are constantly scared that something is going to set her off-and who knows what it will be-and that she will start lashing out at someone. And what's so frustrating is that we haven't been able to get any kind of help for this. We don't know what's setting her off, either. It was easy last summer because obviously she was upset about the new baby. But what is it now I don't know I don't know I don't know! I feel better having said this. Maybe I can face tomorrow...

I'm so frustrated! The stinkin' darnedable (?) computer/internet won't upload my fotos!!!! The big event of the day is that I was asked to teach a Spanish sunday school class at church. EEK! Now I'll have learn how to speak spanish! I'm feeling majorly inadequate, especially since I know there are better spanish speakers in the ward that could do a much better job. It's hard not to get sucked into the 'why me?' mentality, but....why me? I'll got over by tomorrow (or the next day or the next day) and i'm sure it will be a great experience. Today was actually quite a long, exhausting day at church and with the crazy, bored little girls that go nuts on a long Sunday afternoon with nothing to do. So, I'm go to waste some time, eat some popcorn and go to bed.

I've been trying for an hour to post some pictures and the stupid internet won't work!! So irritating! We've had a crazy week with lots of colds and Halloween festivities and not enough sleep. But I don't have the pictures to prove it, so maybe tomorrow.

Do you like my new look? I needed a makeover and this one was free.

Ahhh, very long, very rough week. I don't even want to get into it, so I'm starting with yesterday. I'm sure next week will be fabulous! The big event was that we found the dress she's always wanted-from the movie Enchanted (which I recommend. It's very funny.) She's always wanted one and I've never wanted to search for one, but we accidently found this bride costume in TJ Maxx yesterday and were not leaving the store without it. Said movie: Said princess/blushing bride/future movie star:

I decided I would blog today about ordinary, daily stuff-instead of sad things-which is fine, except I don't get to spice up my post with adorable little picture of our wonderful angels because my camera battery died. I use the term 'angel' very loosely today. Here's why: Hannah woke up at 4:00 am, and Leah shortly followed. I think it was the windstorm, which blew in a bit of snow and nearly blew our humble little abode over (think Wizard of Oz). It's my general philosophy that the day doesn't start until 7:00 am (sidenote-this was very hard for me as a missionary, when you're supposed to wake up at 6:30. I never, in 18 months, got used to that.) Getting back to 4 am--honestly I don't remember much--but here's a question. If you eat breakfast at 4:30, what do you feed kids when they are hungry again at 7:00? And then again at 9:30? Three breakfasts? And if you wake up two and a half hours earlier than is acceptable, what do you do with the extra tim...

Thank you, very sincerely, to everyone who has shown support and concern for us the past few days. The surgery went well (if that's possible) and I'm feeling much better today. I would probably be doing more if I could get away with it, but I have Brian watching me very carefully :) I would also like to mention that Brian is a very caring, loyal, supportive husband who has really stepped up to the plate and taken care of things when I wasn't up to it. Miscarriages are awkward and difficult-most people don't know what to say. I'm used to that and it doesn't bother me anymore. It is a very sad event for us, but on the other hand we feel a certain relief--we don't have the money, space, time or energy for another baby right now. So lots of mixed feelings. The pregnancy was a bit ugly. I was totally overwhelmed with fatigue (my doctor thinks I may be anemic) and seriously intense cravings. And an enormous appetite, which explains why I would eat platefuls (or is...

So, I had another miscarriage (this is the third). I went in for an ultrasound on Friday and the doctor couldn't find a heartbeat or any bloodflow to the baby, so she scheduled me for a D and C on Monday. It's an outpatient surgical procedure-4th surgery in a year!-so if I don't blog for a few days...that's why. We are a bit deflated, slightly numb, and definitely exhausted, but life goes on and we are okay. I know this topic can be uncomfortable for some, so don't feel any obligation to respond. We feel blessed to have our two great little girls and aren't sure right now what we will decide to do about future kids.

I couldn't pass up using such a cheezy title-and let it be known that I would never use such a trite, corny phrase. However, our kids are very adorable and do bring us a lot of happiness and laughter. Here's some of the latest: While playing outside, we found a leaf stuck to Hannah's behind. Leah was SO excited that Hannah had a 'tail'. The next time they were outside, she kept trying to stick a leaf on her own rear end and get Brian to take a picture of it. He was mortified but reluctantly took a shot to appease her. I think the whole thing is really funny to me because I wasn't around to deal with her. Now isn't she so sweet? Hannah's always been able to ham it up for the camera. Who can resist a pink fuzzy babe with footed jammies and wet hair? Both of our girls really love music (hooray!) and we got some video of Hannah dancing to the Wiggles. I'm well aware that there are some things that only parents get excited about, and if this is one of th...

We haven't had the best week, so instead of griping about it I'm going to post something completely unrelated. There's been some question as to whether Jen and I look alike. Randon people around Logan are confusing us, and we've even been accused of being twins. What!? So to answer the burning question in everyone's mind, No. We don't look alike. I don't mind being compared to my sister and have absolutely nothing against her--I just don't see the resemblance. As Andy puts it "You both have round faces." He might still be sleeping on the couch for that comment... :) We haven't had the best week, so instead of griping about it I'm going to post something completely unrelated. I'm going to prove that I don't look anything like my sister