a blended life

Sometimes I want to talk about going to court. Mostly I want to forget it exists.  I have to go this week. I tried to get an adjournment until school was out because I’m out of leave, but that lasted a whopping 9 days. I don’t even know the full story—either Jacob made a big deal out Lucy’s medical needs and they granted him a sooner hearing, or the child advocate attorney is in a rush to get us back in court. Either way, no one cares about my job or my other kids or anything about my life. Including every single attorney.  Sometimes I’m so angry and hurt and shocked that I can’t speak full sentences or complete simple tasks. And sometimes the anxiety of wondering what will happen causes me to not speak full sentences or complete simple tasks.  And Hannah asked me why I always have my head in my hands. Leah pulled me aside and insisted that I order groceries online. Both are so angry and hurt that they struggle talking to people sometimes nd feel cheated out of a normal c...

I’ve missed you, Bloggy McBlogpants.  I realized today that I badly needed to complain about how Toddlerville is kicking my butt— but I had no one to talk to. {insert weepy violin music} And then I remembered I have been talking to my blog for ten years (WHAT) and its always been my go-to dumping ground for all things I can’t handle anymore.  But I feel disloyal, Bloggy, because I haven’t written about the sheer legal terror that has unfolded since December. And it feels wrong to just pick up writing without explicitly describing the nightmare we are ungracefully trying to navigate.  I can’t write about that stuff. I’m not ready, it’s still brewing with no end in sight and even retelling the events of the past month send me into a fit of PTSD. Followed by a depressing round of failure, hopeless ridden thoughts.  I asked for a break in court appearances. I asked for Lucy to not have to visit visit her dad until we get closer to the end of school. I can’t take days off...