Here's Love And Grief Beyond Degree
(Hymns no. 192, He Died, The Great Redeemer Died!, vs 3)
At this point Jacob would be telling me that he's never met anyone who thought so much about feelings and had so much self control over them. Sigh. He's probably right.
Here's what I haven't blogged about:
1) Hannah's dance recital
2) Jersey Shore trip
3) Lucy being so sick we almost didn't do #2
4) Easter
I'm going to put in a few pictures and write until I fall asleep. Hopefully it makes sense.
I didn't realize that the whole studio was extremely politically charged. Almost every dance, though neither of Hannah's, was an interpretive statement. Climate change, the election, "Hit the Road Jack Donald", and Black Lives Matter, including a simulated shooting with kids playing on a playground. They require vegan dance shoes. Only Brooklyn can get away with this kind of stuff. Hannah had no clue what was going on. She was there to perform and did great.
Hannah was placed in a class last year that was invitation-only. I didn't realize until now that she is a full head shorter than anyone else in the class. The owner approached me and asked if Hannah would audition for the company team and that they've got their eye on her. She might, but the studio isn't strong in ballet and that's what Hannah wants to focus on. We've already looked into other studios for fall.
Lucy battled a nasty fever on and off for three weeks. We saw six different doctors and were told each time it was viral. I was convinced it was the dirty floor. Jacob was sure it was our cell phones. The first two pics were taken in the hospital. She had X-rays and tubes and all kinds of probing. The heart surgery means each fever and illness has to be taken a little more seriously. She finally kicked it and hasn't had any symptoms for almost a week.
I'd like to openly beg for some pity at this time. All this virus baloney has meant NO SLEEP and I mean nearly as bad as newborn sleep. There were nights where I was up for the entire night and I still don't know how I'm functioning. She's still not sleeping well.
At our last ER visit, Jacob and the doctor pooled their knowledge together and came up with a diagnosis of GERD. It was also 3 am but that's a side note. It doesn't explain the fevers and viruses but it does explain a lot of other issues, like not eating well, vomiting, and only sleeping on my chest. Awwww. Also, it turns out that an off-label use for Benadryl is to treat reflux. Weird, huh? That means that it has the same mechanisms as Zantac but the drug companies won't allow that to be printed on the label. So she can take Benadryl at night off and on for GERD.
Remember that pity party I wanted? Even with Benadryl, she only sleeps 4 hours at a time. I'm dying, people. Completely.
So I'm tired and don't want to talk about the Jersey Shore. Here's a synopsis: we rent a house on the beach so we can have space and stairs and revisit life. We live in an extreme bubble. Really extreme. No one wanted to come home except Lucy. Poor baby.
Easter was kind of a mess but by the end of the day we were laughing and enjoying the time together. I was so sleep deprived I couldn't drive safely, let alone peel potatoes. Both girls helped cook. Jacob cleaned up. We are on paper plates on the couch. I did a half hearted scavenger hunt and Jacob hid eggs and the avocado (a tradition he started a few years ago). I spent most of the day feeling guilty for no reason. I even canceled having a friend come over because I could pull it together.
I need sleep. Maybe the amount of exhaustion I feel is equal to the amount of rest I capable of feeling? There's got to be a payoff for all these long nights.
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