Tender Mercy or Worst Nightmare?

Before we talk about heavy things, here are some photos to make us happy. Or at least distract us.



When you go to Seaside and wear squid hats: 


When it takes you and your mom an hour to figure out how to set up the future sleeping spot of Baby Yet To Be Named:


When you can't figure out why your daughter is an overachiever and you end up at a school breakfast for honor roll students:


When you have that friend who knows how to tell you to start taking care of yourself and learn how to relax already and it's exactly what you needed:


When your mom tries to play Just Dance:


When your sister, who already organized an incredible long distance baby shower, recommends a book that describes yourself in scary detail:


Non-picture, heavy things to talk about:

Jacob visited last weekend. It was both a good visit, especially for the girls to see him again, but also a difficult one. We had a lot of choices to make and options to weigh. He wanted us to move to Texas while I taught full time next year and he reapplied for residency. I thought that was the worst, most inconsiderate idea anyone had ever thought of. So the next idea (actually my original one) was to have all of us find an apartment in this area of Vancouver, girls stay in the same school, and both of us work while he reapplies for residency. While he was here, he got a feel for the area and made some connections at church for job possibilities. 

But none of it felt right. There was a missing piece that no one could put their finger on. 

Then he got a call from the Dean of Medicine, offering him a job at his rheumatology office in Brooklyn next year. In exchange, he would pay a piddly amount and give Jacob a letter of recommendation that would guarantee a residency. In case you are unfamiliar with how things work: If the Dean of Medicine offers you a job that secures your future career, you take the job. Even if it's Brooklyn.

My reaction: Yay! and Boo!

That left me with two choices. I could move my poor, traumatized, confused girls back to New York. I would have to work full time and hand over the baby to some form of childcare. New schools, public transportation, laundry service, grocery issues, etc. Not my favorite option. Option two would involve me staying here for the next year while Jacob works in New York (what kind of a marriage is this?!) and I still work full time here, being a complete single mom to 3 kids and hand over the baby to some form of childcare. 

I feel like someone is handing me two piles of mud and saying, "You have to eat one. Pick the one that looks the most appetizing."

There is no glamorous ending to this story. We're moving back to Brooklyn and I'm going to be working and no, there is no part of me that is excited or looking forward to this year. Because when you have a really bad year, you think that it can only go up from there. But no, sometimes there IS a worse option and you get to explore that with all the energy and mental capacity that you lost trying to get through the last bad year.

Someone please tell me I'm not the only one. 

The rough timeline is Jacob will come here for the month of May, start his new job in June (or end of May), the girls and I will be here for most of the summer while they finish the school year and spend some time with their dad in Utah, and we will all end up in New York by mid-August. That's the plan, which means it won't turn out that way since we all know how well my plans turn out.

Ok, new subject.

My latest health nightmare has been bronchitis. For an asthmatic who is already immunocompromised, this is uncool. I'm barely feeling better but everyone tells me I look and sound like death (thanks, guys!). Also, if you are 9 months pregnant and you cough a lot, you MIGHT wet your pants 4 or 5 times a day. At least the baby has given my ribs a rest. I sleep maybe 4 hours a night and spend the rest of the time peeing, coughing, or stressing out about how we are going to pull off another big move. 


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