Birthgiving
*cue Jimmy Fallon's thank you note music*
Thank you, Jen, for coining a very appropriate phrase for what happens when your birthday falls on Thanksgiving.
Thank you, South Carolina, for showing me that there are worse drivers out there than Miami, Utah and Texas combined.
(Florida driving, as a whole, isn't that bad. Miami is terrifying.)
Thank you, decrepit, aging, malfunctioning body, for barely letting me make it through a 37 hour car trip to Virginia.
Thank you, Mom and sister, for the package of delightfulness that was waiting for me when I got back.
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I'm not sure how to describe or even narrate our week long road trip. It was long. The kids did an amazing job of handling it and I am so grateful. I started having back pain on the way there and the back pain is still excruciating, so much that I can barely leave the house anymore.
It was important for us to go. I know we really needed to be there for many reasons. Jacob needed to connect with his family, the girls needed to meet his stepdad and a few cousins, and I needed to understand Jacob's history and how his family works. We managed to accomplish these things, plus a nice stroll on a beautiful beach with big waves and surfers.
But something else happened that I hadn't expected. A few hours into our trip, I started missing Miami. A lot. I missed my warm, sticky weather and palm trees and soft kitty. Our rental townhouse felt like home. I don't remember feeling this kind of ache before. I certainly never felt this way while living in Logan, and Mapleton and Santaquin were only temporary places. In my head I know that Miami is temporary, too, but it's my life and it's not attached to anything else.
Plus, the weather was freezing cold and we experienced my first Nor'easter--a nasty downpour of constant rain and cold. In one of my more delirious driving moments, I told Jacob, "I've had diarrhea since Nor'easters," and then laughed uncontrollably for days. I still think it's funny. I also hated the cold and felt very angry toward the weather for being so inconvenient and nasty. I love Miami weather. I love the rain and warmth. I love my neighborhood and Publix and pristine pool. I know it won't last, in fact, we are probably moving to Brooklyn next summer. Living here has felt like a gift and a curse at the same time--so far away from family, so expensive, so many health problems, but so beautiful and fun and peaceful. How is it possible to feel all these things at the same time?
I kept thinking, this is MYami.
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I've mentioned my back pain that has kept me bedridden. I've also had, in the course of a single week, a thick head cold, fever, bleeding eye hemorrhage, fatigue, nausea, bloated gut and a painful hip joint. And several vials of blood work that confirmed I DON'T have Celiac, rheumatoid arthritis, or mono. the only thing left to test is Lyme disease. It's hard for me to talk about truly sick I am, but the truth is that I'm barely making it through life on a day to day basis. I've canceled pretty much every obligation or unnecessary thing. I wish I knew when it would end. I wish I had some answers.
Thank you, Jen, for coining a very appropriate phrase for what happens when your birthday falls on Thanksgiving.
Thank you, South Carolina, for showing me that there are worse drivers out there than Miami, Utah and Texas combined.
(Florida driving, as a whole, isn't that bad. Miami is terrifying.)
Thank you, decrepit, aging, malfunctioning body, for barely letting me make it through a 37 hour car trip to Virginia.
Thank you, Mom and sister, for the package of delightfulness that was waiting for me when I got back.
********************************************************************************
I'm not sure how to describe or even narrate our week long road trip. It was long. The kids did an amazing job of handling it and I am so grateful. I started having back pain on the way there and the back pain is still excruciating, so much that I can barely leave the house anymore.
It was important for us to go. I know we really needed to be there for many reasons. Jacob needed to connect with his family, the girls needed to meet his stepdad and a few cousins, and I needed to understand Jacob's history and how his family works. We managed to accomplish these things, plus a nice stroll on a beautiful beach with big waves and surfers.
But something else happened that I hadn't expected. A few hours into our trip, I started missing Miami. A lot. I missed my warm, sticky weather and palm trees and soft kitty. Our rental townhouse felt like home. I don't remember feeling this kind of ache before. I certainly never felt this way while living in Logan, and Mapleton and Santaquin were only temporary places. In my head I know that Miami is temporary, too, but it's my life and it's not attached to anything else.
Plus, the weather was freezing cold and we experienced my first Nor'easter--a nasty downpour of constant rain and cold. In one of my more delirious driving moments, I told Jacob, "I've had diarrhea since Nor'easters," and then laughed uncontrollably for days. I still think it's funny. I also hated the cold and felt very angry toward the weather for being so inconvenient and nasty. I love Miami weather. I love the rain and warmth. I love my neighborhood and Publix and pristine pool. I know it won't last, in fact, we are probably moving to Brooklyn next summer. Living here has felt like a gift and a curse at the same time--so far away from family, so expensive, so many health problems, but so beautiful and fun and peaceful. How is it possible to feel all these things at the same time?
I kept thinking, this is MYami.
*********************************************************************************
I've mentioned my back pain that has kept me bedridden. I've also had, in the course of a single week, a thick head cold, fever, bleeding eye hemorrhage, fatigue, nausea, bloated gut and a painful hip joint. And several vials of blood work that confirmed I DON'T have Celiac, rheumatoid arthritis, or mono. the only thing left to test is Lyme disease. It's hard for me to talk about truly sick I am, but the truth is that I'm barely making it through life on a day to day basis. I've canceled pretty much every obligation or unnecessary thing. I wish I knew when it would end. I wish I had some answers.
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