The Rest Of My Life Is So Hard

Bad week. Really bad week.

I used to read this book to my students to teach about making inferences. The only words are "good news" and "bad news" and you have to look at the pictures to understand what's going on. I need my life to be this book right now--where I only have to say either 'good news' or 'bad news' and no other words are necessary. I've had to kind of shut down emotionally this week to be able to take it all in, and I think I've turned into what counselors sometimes call "newspaper reporter mode". I can rattle off events, give basic facts and categorize them as "good news" or "bad news". 

Good news:

Leah got into a program called Future Educators of America, which means once a week she goes into another classroom and helps grade tests, read with kids, be an aide, etc. She's SO excited and driven to keep her grades up so she can stay in the program. I think she's mostly excited about wearing a badge and looking important, but I'm really excited for her. I'm excited that she wanted to do something and went for it without expecting me to hold her hand through the process. She's very internally motivated with schoolwork, which I think is horribly bizarre. She's very sweet and genuine and doesn't like to hang around catty girls. I want more than anything to put her on the swim team that meets across the street. She's a graceful, beautiful little swimmer but I don't have $200 a month for it. She loves Minecraft and the Princess Bride. She doesn't have much of a sweet tooth anymore and will frequently turn down a treat. She cries at church when she hears the hymns. She still plays with her dollhouse and loves to have a good laugh. She tends to ask very random questions that err on the side of socially unacceptable. 

Bad news:

The washing machine broke. And if you do laundry at your house, you know that I don't need to say anything else about this. It speaks for itself.

Good news:

Hannah often gets rewarded at school for being well behaved. Jacob and I think this is a riot since her favorite new nickname, and aptly so, is Hurricane Hannah. The child was born fighting for a cause. She loves animals and babies and has a deep heart for people or pets who are in trouble. We watched the movie Hook and she cried watching the scene where an abandoned baby was left on a rainy street. Hannah has discovered a love for makeup and hair and spends a long time in front of the mirror trying to style her own hair. She's 7. She has been in a bad place this week and I worry that the move was too much for her tender little soul. I'm grateful every day that I'm home and able to help them both out with the severe adjustment this has been. She has also been developing a very sharp, quick sense of humor that still surprises me. She makes jokes that are clever and Leah doesn't understand them. 

Bad news:

School supplies alone were over $300.

Good news:

I love the birds here! I never knew I was a bird person, but something about tropical birds really gets my tail wagging. There is a LARGE flock of ibis that visits us a few times a week. The long legs to stand in water and long bills to spear fish really fascinate me. I feel like a super geek admitting all this but I have to come out of the closet. I love birds. Heron, vultures, ibis, cranes, egrets, peacocks, etc. They are all so pretty!

Bad news:

Unemployed in an unaffordable city. Miami is still trying to chew me up and spit me out but I will NOT BE DEFEATED. Most days are actually excruciating, trying to figure out what I should do, where I should be, how to spend my time. 

I should offer an explanation here. Nothing here is simple or easy. You don't just pick ups  few items at the store for dinner. Depending on traffic or other circumstances, that could take a couple of hours. And if you're going to spend a couple of hours trying to get food, you might as well just get groceries for the week. But if you're going to do that, you have to cancel all other plans for the afternoon. The other day I went to buy beanbag pellets, then stopped at Miami Dade College for an appointment I had with their piano department head. These two activities took 6 HOURS. By the time I was done, it was time to pick up the kids from school and start the homework/dinner/bedtime melee. 

I don't even know what else to say about all this. Just...meh.