I Can Be Your Long Lost Pal

Something needs to be said about how I have FINALLY!!!! reconnected with one of my very best friends growing up. Sarah! *insert dancing hearts and leaping unicorns* Thank you, Facebook! I have several of you close, hooked at the heart, friends for life and she is one that I lost touch with for over a decade. It's been a huge relief and a major bright spot in my week, especially during a week that was otherwise quite gloomy and soul-searchy.

 We checked out the public library. I don't know how other big city library systems work, but here there are a million branches to the public library. That means that each branch is quite small, quite understocked and quite outdated. Didn't stop these turkeys from having a good time and getting glares from the librarian. I didn't care. Have fun, ladies. Hang upside down in a library and giggle loudly. 



I'm an ocean person. I can't help myself. This shot is beautiful, also keep in mind the stifling humidity and heat that accompanies these fantastic places. I'm congratulating myself on only having one mosquito bite from the park discovery adventure. 




I thought it would be fun to go to a free star show at the planetarium. It should have been called "The Night Sky For People Who've Never Left The City and Seen The Night Sky." I felt like I could have given the presentation myself, but the girls enjoyed it so I tried to be nice about it. The nice thing lasted about 15 minutes.


Goober.


I'm talking about these things and posting pictures, but it's really a diversion so I don't have to talk about hard things.

Fine, let's talk about hard things.

I spent half the week chasing my tail, trying to find work or piano students and feeling like I was putting my efforts into all the wrong things. I took Thursday off to collect myself. I needed to find some calm and find my center again (translate: eat green olives and lay on the couch and feel hopeless). I know there is something here for me, but I CANNOT figure out what it is. It's hard to wake up and face an empty day of 'what should I do with myself now?'. The financial pressure I feel is consuming almost everything I do and I've stopped feeling joy in anything. Plus both kids have had stomach flu all of Saturday and Sunday. 

I've never been in a position where I had options like this and instead of being liberating or exciting, it's crushing and deflating. I've always done either what the situation clearly called for, like survive some really bad years in an awful marriage, or I did what was being thrown in my face as an obviously good choice (Special Ed). I can't do the things I want  to do (like teach resource or even grab a piano student) and I can't even seem to be able to do things I don't want to do. So what am I supposed to do?! Maybe I'm trying too hard or maybe I'm not used to having any spare time. And we all know I'm not super good at having spare time. I make a better busybody. 




Comments

Jennifer Walker said…
Here's my only bit of shizy advice: Instead of asking, "What should I do?" ask "How should I approach this?" or "How should I BE right now?" Take a step back and ask different questions. Ultimately it's between you and God. How far is the nearest temple?
September 7, 2014 at 9:17 PM
Unknown said…
You're right, I should be asking different questions. I hadn't thought of that. I think I'll be able to go to the temple on Friday during school hours. It's only open one or two sessions per night on other days. I can't plan on Jacob ever and the one babysitter we found just went off to college. GAH!!!!
September 8, 2014 at 10:29 AM
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