Incidents and Accidents

It's the 31st and I want to be able to say I blogged 4 times this month. It's also 11:45 pm so this will be short.

I don't know how to explain the ups and downs we've had this week, mostly involve my job/identity crisis. We need money. We need me to be the one bringing in the money. It has taken an act of Congress for me to figure out what in holy blazes I am supposed to be doing with myself down here.

I had a job interview on Friday with another private school for learning disabled kids. It was the strangest one I've had yet. I was asked to write 6 essays about lame crap (What are the 3 things students need most?) before even meeting with anyone. Then the director spent about 3 minutes looking at my stuff and said, "I know you're an exceptional teacher because you're a classical musician. That tells me you are dedicated and focused." I stared at her quite dumbly and she said, "Your writing is fantastic. You can say the most profound things in such simple sentences. It's really beautiful." More dumb stares. I probably won't take the job because the pay is so low and the hours so bad, but I felt oddly validated at that interview. Like someone was looking directly into my soul and could see that I was worth more than a resume saying "Teacher."

I feel like I can't put this blog to bed for the week until I mention this: Leah and Hannah always try to get in the car on the same side (driver's side). This is because Leah is afraid I will leave without her (I never have) and Hannah is afraid of the other cars in the parking lot (rightly so in Miami). It backfired on Thursday when Leah slammed Hannah's entire head in the car door--HARD. Poor girl has a huge bruise on her cheek bone and we've been nursing a concussion all weekend. It was equally horrifying for all three of us. And of course it was a day where Jacob worked late and didn't get home to see the carnage until bedtime.

I've felt a very calm, easy and restful feeling this weekend, despite the concussion. We both feel like I should stay at home and take care of things here. Even though the past two weeks have been excruciating, trying to figure out what I should be doing with myself, I really feel like the best place for me is at home. The kids have needed me to ease them into the transition of the big city school and Jacob constantly needs an extra hand with laundry, running errands, paying bills, etc. For some reason, I'm really happy to be able to stay here and do this. I don't know that my time would be better spent anywhere else. I will try to teach piano and I have some friends that are hard core trying to get me to be a Thrive consultant (Shelf Reliance). There is no one one Miami that does it, and with the hurricanes and all, it could be a good business. But I'm not the selling type.

I could write a whole post about how people talk about hurricanes around here ("not if, but when!"), but it's almost midnight. So goodnight, folks!

Comments

Jennifer Walker said…
I've spent most of my married life trying to answer this very question: What am I supposed to be DOING?? It's been a long-fought battle. I find myself asking this question at least twice a year. The answer is always the same: You're already doing it. I fought long and hard to enjoy and accept being an at-home mom. We get so many mixed messages about where we SHOULD be as women. What we WANT rarely comes into play (unfortunately). But this I CAN say: I don't regret that I've been here for my kids. YES, we've needed money (desperately at times). But when I've done what feels like the right thing (even if it doesn't make sense), we are always taken care of. I wish you well on your journey to discover and understand. Unfortunately, you're the only one who can answer this question for yourself. But please know I love you and I'm here for you! And please kiss Hannah's poor head for me!
September 1, 2014 at 7:08 PM
Unknown said…
Thank you! I have had the hardest time trying to understand what I should be doing here. It's always been very obviously in my life what I should be up to, but right now is blurry. I hate blurry. But I really am grateful to be totally available for the kids during their transition into the new school. It's been much more consuming than any of us expected.
September 4, 2014 at 8:16 PM
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