a harmonious solution

It's not a big secret that a certain relative has filled out an eHarmony profile for me and paid for a few months. Something about the whole thing has made me really frustrated and it's taken a few weeks for me to pinpoint why. So here's why. It's just not me. Every word has to be carefully chosen and second-guessed and rewritten. And maybe a part of me has always felt way too odd to find true and everlasting love (sarcasm) through the internet. I decided to write down what my profile should really say, maybe as a way of having my voice heard?


The one thing I am passionate about:

               Pickles

The most important thing I am looking for:

                Just be opposite of everything I hated about my ex-husband. We can negotiate the rest.

Most influential person in my life:

               Myself. Aren't we are own worst enemy? Or should I stop analyzing Life of Pi?

The first thing people notice about me:

              I speak exactly what's on my mind using the fewest words possible.

What I wish more people would notice about me:

              I feel only kind thoughts for you, even if you truly are whatever name I'm calling you.

Three of my best life skills are:

              Ruining macaroni and cheese
             Having better social skills with animals than people
             Laughing at inappropriate times

Last book I read and enjoyed:

              I'm not going to tell you. I  know you don't care and I guarantee you don't share my passion for   reading, anyway.

Political stance:

               Mormon Democrat. Possibly the rarest combination of religion and politics that has ever existed. I don't care what you are, but find out about me before making judgments.

5 things I can't live without:

                Albuterol, Life cereal, tuned piano, soft blankies. And I expect my car to run well all the time.

I typically spend my leisure time:

               Wishing I had more leisure time.

Favorite tv shows:

                 Honestly, I only watch PBS and secretly feel that the British have the corner on quality programs. So my favorite shows have varied between Little Dorritt and Downton Abbey, but ultimately I love Sherlock the best. And Doc Martin. And Dr Who.

A little more about me:

                 Going out to dinner with a strange guy sounds like the worst possible form of punishment.

                 I've recently been accused by my classmates as being the most incurable geek on earth.

                 I'm really good at breaking out in movie and song quotes. In fact, I do it all the time and am disappointed if you don't know my reference.


A few pics to describe things better:

 Or, go look on my FB page and check out all the unflattering, incriminating pictures other people have posted of me.

First of all, a good theater production is priceless and leaves me wild-eyed. And makes me even more prone to burst out in song.


If I'm eating a delicious treat, don't interrupt.


A water ride will leave me with really bad hair. But if my kids loved it, it was worth it.


And finally, I'm an eternal optimist. Tomorrow will always be a better day. 



If you are reading this, I will probably not look you up if your profile contains these qualities:

*a picture of you in a dew rag, in a group of shabby-looking man friends or with a dead animal
*you list your occupation as "Farmer" 
*every picture of you has the same background with a different plaid shirt
*you write long lists of qualities that you want in someone else, but have few qualities to boast


I'm not being too picky, right?

Comments

Julianne Howes said…
You know- some guy somewhere is really going to appreciate your honesty and sense of humor. That's my favorite thing about you. I think most people would rather read those things I a profile than "my life is perfect and I basically just flutter around like a butterfly in perfection, too".
December 20, 2012 at 5:00 AM
Mari said…
Love love your post. Love your honesty. And learned some more things about you. I love you even more!
December 21, 2012 at 7:25 AM
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