Viruses, Feet and Unemployment
Dear Mom,
When I found out you passed away in your sleep, I felt a very odd relief. I had been carrying two large bags of grief--one for dad and one for you because you lost dad. Your sadness was palpable. It was stage 4 grief cancer and when you died, I knew the suffering was gone.
But I'm still carrying two large bags--one for losing you and one for losing dad. The empath in me doesn't feel all of your sadness anymore. I just feel my own.
Hannah fell on the side of her foot this week. It immediately became misshapen and she couldn't put any weight on it. Sounds broken, right? Nope, just a serious sprain. She is in so much and missed three days of school. Remember when she broke her foot at your house in 3rd grade? And how mad she was because the shoe they gave her was super ugly?
Lucy has been so sick for a whole month. I finally took her in to have bloodwork and a STOOL SAMPLE (so gross) and turns out she is fighting two different stomach viruses. She had three hours of diarrhea in the ER while Hannah was getting her foot x-rayed. Let me tell you sometime how much fun that day was.
Tomorrow is my last contracted day of work. I say 'contracted' because I haven't been in this whole week. They are supremely put out by my attendance. I am supremely frustrated at how difficult it is to be a single mom in this city. I am more angry at Jacob and the mess he continues to create than I can express. It is not humanly possible to do what I have been trying to do. But how could I not feel like a failure? How am I supposed to have a successful career and pull off raising these girls without some serious scars?! I don't even want to tell anyone that I quit. I would have told you. We would have talked about it and you would have been supportive.
We saw Kinky Boots last weekend. It was as good as Kathy Ainge said it was--in fact, Hannah keeps asking to go again. We accidentally ate one of the best burgers in Hell's Kitchen beforehand. Dad would have LOVED it.
When I found out you passed away in your sleep, I felt a very odd relief. I had been carrying two large bags of grief--one for dad and one for you because you lost dad. Your sadness was palpable. It was stage 4 grief cancer and when you died, I knew the suffering was gone.
But I'm still carrying two large bags--one for losing you and one for losing dad. The empath in me doesn't feel all of your sadness anymore. I just feel my own.
Hannah fell on the side of her foot this week. It immediately became misshapen and she couldn't put any weight on it. Sounds broken, right? Nope, just a serious sprain. She is in so much and missed three days of school. Remember when she broke her foot at your house in 3rd grade? And how mad she was because the shoe they gave her was super ugly?
Lucy has been so sick for a whole month. I finally took her in to have bloodwork and a STOOL SAMPLE (so gross) and turns out she is fighting two different stomach viruses. She had three hours of diarrhea in the ER while Hannah was getting her foot x-rayed. Let me tell you sometime how much fun that day was.
Tomorrow is my last contracted day of work. I say 'contracted' because I haven't been in this whole week. They are supremely put out by my attendance. I am supremely frustrated at how difficult it is to be a single mom in this city. I am more angry at Jacob and the mess he continues to create than I can express. It is not humanly possible to do what I have been trying to do. But how could I not feel like a failure? How am I supposed to have a successful career and pull off raising these girls without some serious scars?! I don't even want to tell anyone that I quit. I would have told you. We would have talked about it and you would have been supportive.
We saw Kinky Boots last weekend. It was as good as Kathy Ainge said it was--in fact, Hannah keeps asking to go again. We accidentally ate one of the best burgers in Hell's Kitchen beforehand. Dad would have LOVED it.
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