How I Spent the 4th of July

Jacob had the day off. We made plans to go out to eat and see the fireworks at Coney Island. I went to a church BBQ while he studied. 

When I got back, all his stuff was gone. He'd moved out and into an airbnb for three weeks. Or longer. I don't know. 

Some things I know:

1. I feel strongly that this is a result of a mental health breakdown. We've all been through too much but he also had the stress and anxiety of starting residency. 

2. I go through periods of hating him and not letting him back and periods of wanting to work it out. Mostly the first one. 

3. The state denied my application for teacher certification which means I'm back to begging for work as an unqualified teacher.  Which narrows my options and irritates me like you wouldn't believe. 

4. So basically I'm alone with Lucy in this apartment all day and night. Unless I want to battle the humidity and go somewhere. She started singing Row Row Row Your Boat today and I almost died of cute. It sounds like 'woah woah woah.' 

5. No, I'm not ok. I'm teetering on the edge of my own mental shutdown, but who has time for that? I now have to face a reality that I'll likely be a single mom of three and working full time. With no family nearby. 

Comments

Megan said…
Oh Carrie! I don't know what to say... I wish there was more that I could do! But I will be sending heartfelt prayers your way. Love you!
July 6, 2017 at 1:41 PM
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