April Showers Bring May Babies

I know I've mentioned this, but I wanted to say one more time how grateful I am for the baby shower my sister organized (and my other sister hosted). I finished using up gift cards this week and now we're all set with a car seat, stroller, bath stuff and other necessities. It's a huge relief to feel prepared--a feeling I've not had for a really long time. 

In other baby news, I am over the bronchitis and have had what I think might be a typical 9 month pregnancy week. The usual discomfort, bathroom trips, funky appetite, sleep issues. It's one of the few weeks of this whole pregnancy that I've felt somewhat normal. 

Also my brother's cat found a nest in the Pak N Play. This lasted the duration of one cat nap before I vetoed that spot. Black fur on my white bassinet?? No thanks. (It should be noted that the cat and I have a great relationship, despite the red hives I get on my neck when she gets near me). 




Leah decided to finish her Faith In God program this week. This is program for girls in my church ages 8-11 to work on things like taking care of yourself, service, friendship, reading the scriptures, etc. She had a goal to make a nutritious meal for the family. Her choice: drumsticks, fruit and chips. Nutritious is a loose term here. I'm proud of how well she did with it AND it was edible. Yay Leah!


Hannah had to cop some attitude for the picture. With a blanket on her head.


I have felt carried through the past few months by friends and family. 'Carried' is probably too gentle of a word. Dragged through the mud? Pulled out of a bottomless pit? Snatched from the gulf of misery and endless woe?! I'm learning to be a drama queen from my kids. My dad is quick to point out that I have been blessed with great friends, even if I don't deserve it. Thanks, Dad. You always say the right things.

From one of these great friends, who believes in me when I don't believe in myself:



Another lifelong, soulmate friend has now gotten me hooked on adult coloring. I didn't understand the attraction until I tried it. It has calmed my stress, focused my mind, and soothed my angry, depressed soul in a very surprising way. It causes me to focus on one detail and not get overwhelmed with the rest of it. It is teaching me not worry about making something ugly and being a failure, but to try something and let it go if it doesn't work out. I'm really not trying to make a corny life comparison using coloring pages. This is real life, meditative relaxation that has genuinely quieted some of the worst demons and allowed me to regroup. Plus also, gel pens and nice colored pencils are REALLY fun to play with. I do miss my sewing, embroidery, and piano but this has been the perfect substitute. 



I'll end with one more issue that is prevalent in our daily conversations. Legally, Brian is allowed half the summer to spend with the girls. If he's not current on child support, which he never has been, he still gets the time but has to pay for travel costs. This summer he would have 4 weeks with them. The problem: Neither kids wants to go. And I mean AT ALL. Even Leah, who's been closer to her dad than Hannah, has thrown a full blown tantrum about having to be there for any length of time. They hated last summer (so did I) and have not forgotten or recovered from it. They have even brought up the subject with him, but predictably, it falls on deaf ears. He is quick to point out that it's not fair that he doesn't get to see them and that it's not his fault that we moved out of state. Typical. The whole thing makes my mother heart bleed all over the floor and fuels the unresolved anger I have towards this man who has never accepted responsibility for them. If I'm not careful with how I phrase things, he will hand the phone over to his wife and have her text nasty, accusatory comments about things I've done wrong and how badly it's affected them (none of it's true or it's a very twisted version of things I was allowed, legally, to do). I have to preface conversations with a phrase like, "And if you respond with something nasty or hand the phone to your wife, I will block you and you can direct communication through my parents." It's horrible but I have to set boundaries with both of them or I get attacked. I don't have any closure or happy ending here. Just another piece to our steaming mud pie of issues that no one knows what to deal with. Thanks for listening :).




Comments

Mari said…
My sweet sweet friend. Oh how I wish we were neighbors again. Love you! I can't wait to see pictures of your new bundle.
May 3, 2016 at 10:53 AM
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