the briefest update ever

I've reached that awkward point where I have so much to say and nothing to say and no idea how to reconcile the two.

I'm happy to report some happy things. Leah and Hannah are doing better than I would have ever guessed. They do well in school, they've made lots of friends in a short period of time, they get along with each other and play in the street with neighborhood kids. They're smart and kind. I'm so grateful for them. They hug my belly and talk to the baby.

Did someone say baby? It looks like this baby girl is here to permanently disrupt our family (that can be a good thing!) She's very strong and my body cannot keep up with this pregnancy. I'm surprised at how many people hoped we would have a boy. I'm even more surprised at how many people 'suggested' that I should have more kids just so I can have a boy. Because we know that girls just aren't enough to complete a family. Oh, mercy, I will not even continue this subject. There is smoke coming out my ears.


Here's a super creepy alien mummy picture of the baby at 22 weeks. That's a hand over her right eye. The doctor actually recommended that I throw away this pictures since it's scary.


Here's a pic of me in the hospital right after being born. I had a lot of hair and and fist on my right eye. I thought this was hilarious for a day or two, comparing the two pictures that are almost 40 years apart and realizing how similar we are. Then I got a major feeling of dread--what if this poor baby is just like me? I'm relieved that both my girls are very different than I am. They are better and more talented and confident than I ever was. I've never had a 'mini-me'. I'm not sure I want one....
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So, all the kids are fine and I'm slugging through each day with way more fatigue than is acceptable. Jacob is still in Brooklyn and will be there for two more months. The future is still in a tremendous state of limbo. He had a very promising interview at a hospital on Long Island in a small town that's actually affordable. We will find out if he gets into residency in mid-March. If he doesn't, he will reapply for next year. Which puts us in limbo for that much longer. Let's all collectively decide that 'unknown' and 'if' are two of the worst words and emotions that we have to deal with as humans. 

I'm going to stop here. I don't have much energy to write more but I hope to be back very soon.


Comments

Jennifer Walker said…
Thanks for the update. I know writing is difficult right now. But I appreciate your candor and perspectives--always!
February 27, 2016 at 9:48 AM
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