We Have Endured Many Things

I know I haven't posted in a few weeks. I hate posting about the dark, harsh, ugly realities that we're living, but then I hate posting about happy fun stuff when really we are barely making it through each day. Because then you'd think we don't struggle or have major issues. And I'd hate for someone to not have an accurate picture of my life. But then if I say what's REALLY going on, I might draw attention to myself (gasp!) and I don't know how to deal with that, either. See what a dilemma this is?!

So here's the short version of what's really going on and let's all agree to not make a big deal out it.

 Hannah--has broken her foot while playing on her gym mat. We've spent hours at the orthopedic surgeon's trying to get the right help. I'm going to waste space right now and say that this doctor (Dr Mara Karamitopoulis from Yale) was the best I've ever, ever had in all my years of meeting doctors, which has been extensive. (This is a big deal since for many years I openly hated doctors and oh! The irony of Jacob's chosen profession. Anyway...) So good that Hannah begs to return just so we can hang out with her. She was given a walking boot, but that wasn't helping the pain. So she was put in a cast with crutches, which she got wet two days later. We are on cast #3, a lovely purple one, and have vowed to not return to Dr K until it's time for it to come off FOR GOOD. She hates it. She cries everyday and is depressed. I also hate it but I haven't mentioned that to her.

Leah--she's the only one of us who isn't a hot mess. In fact, I look at her everyday and feel like an angel lives in my home. She cleans. She writes letters to friends and family members. She's developed her own scripture study system and sticks to it. She looks past people's race, dress, religion and appearance and sees right into their soul. She hugs me and helps Hannah with her crutches. But she has no friends and for someone so social and outgoing, this is truly heartbreaking. But for now, I will be grateful for the kind, genuine little piece of heaven that she is. I'm not trying to be corny. She's seriously a bright spot right now--and we all know that hasn't always been the case.

Jacob--is enough of a hot mess for all of us. I'll spare you some of the more grisly details, but basically he's had to rearrange his entire schedule, retake a test at the end of this month and pretty much rethink everything. And in the process he's become so unbearable to live with, coupled with some sweet irrationality and anger. On one hand, I empathize with how difficult it is for men to feel the responsibility of providing and taking care of a family, especially with a baby on the way. And he's had to face some hard reality that residency may not happen next year. On the other hand, I have no patience with how he's dealing with it. To make a long, unglamorous story short--he's in Texas right now with his dad, studying for his test and giving me a stinking break from the drama (interestingly, this was an idea that we both had separate of each other and both agreed would be the best way for him to prepare for this test). He left yesterday. I don't miss him yet but probably in a few days :)

Side note: I know that this sounds drastic and crushing, and in many ways it is. We both agree, however, that there is a definite plan for our family for next year. We just don't know what it looks like. Having that feeling is very calming and helps me not panic about the future. Even through all the setbacks and shocks and twists, we can clearly see that he's been guided through it and placed in the right place at the right time. I just don't want anyone to think we are devastated and hopeless--we are more like annoyed and frustrated.

Me: I eat plates of pickles and pepperoni at 3 am. I think it's normal. Both girls and Jacob feel neglected and abandoned by my incapacities. I wish I felt bad for them, even a little. Sometimes mom is sick. Deal with it, infantile people. My digestive tract has wreaked havoc on me in ways that shouldn't be described in a blog. It's a problem that's been trailing me since Miami, just resurfaced recently. I have been trying to see a doctor but have one bigger priority after another get in my way. My mom sent me some ginger tea to ease morning sickness, and not only does it calm my nausea but it has cleared up all other issues down there. THANKS, MOM!!!!

This is Coney Island when the tourists leave. All that stuff on the sand? SHELLS! I've never seen so many, even in Florida. Most of them had living things inside. No one else was noticing the shells--just me. It felt like my own private viewing. 

Hannah treats herslef to a lage cheeseburger--her new favorite food. And she will eat the WHOLE thing. 

She thought the cast and crutches would be cool. That lasted about 5 minutes. 

We return a few days later to switch out casts. Abe, the PA who does the casting, was phenomenal. 

With her purple cast and sitting in the umbrella stroller I bought. Because we had to have a way to survive NYC with crutches. Even with a car, we walk blocks and blocks everyday. Not to mention subway stations, escalators, and all other types of fun we complain about. Even the church doesn't have a parking lot or elevators. All that ADA code somehow doesn't apply to New York. Everyone agrees: The city is difficult enough with a good pair of shoes and two working legs.

Brooklyn Fun Fact:

It is cheaper to pay a laundry service to do your laundry than it is to wash it yourself at a laundromat. Plus you get the thrilling experience of having your clothes come back folded in perfect squares and your socks matched for the first time since they were purchased.

And did you know that grocery delivery is also an affordable, viable option for those that can't keep food in the house? Or don't want to pay $6 for a gallon of milk at the bodega who won't keep the fridge cold enough? The price of delivery is the same price as an impulse buy of two tubs of ice cream (about $7). Here is a list of food we currently DON'T have in the house:

*milk
*bread
*cheese
*eggs
*fruit or vegetable of any kind, including canned
*pickles and pepperoni
*Ring O Noodle soup
*cereal
*anything for breakfast, lunch or dinner

Maybe I'll post a review of how Peapod does delivering groceries to our house this week.