More milestones


If you're on Facebook, you know that Santa doesn't exist in our house anymore. It started with this picture. Hannah realized that the "Santa who sat on Coke" was Grandpa's friend. And if he's Grandpa's friend, then he's not really Santa. And if he's not really Santa, then all these guys dressing up like Santas are just fakes. And if that's the case, then is there an actual Santa?? She pressured me and pressured me until I told her the truth. 

Hannah isn't the type of kid where you can write a fluffy letter about how Santa is in everyone's heart and it's good to believe in things you can't see. My kids would never accept such an answer--either he is real and we will believe, or he is not real and we will deal with it. 

"Mom. I'm serious. Is he real or is he not real?" Every few hours she asked. I knew it was tricky because her older sister, the most trusting, genuine soul I know, is an avid Santa/Elf on the Shelf believer. So if I told Hannah the truth, even though I knew she'd take it well, then Leah would find out and be devastated. 

My other choice was to drag it out and make them believe in this make-believe guy and North Pole world that we've created for kids. For what, though? So I could have this talk again next year and they realized I've been lying to them? So I could buy a few more weeks of childhood? Parents do Santa because of the look the kids get--they twinkle and are so pure and magical about it. It's intoxicating for a parent to see their kids in this state. I've said before that parenting is 90% hard or boring, but the 10% keeps you going. This is the 10% and it's really hard to let go of.

Hannah was ready to know the truth. I've never pushed the Santa thing hard core anyway--it seemed false to me to shove an idea that wasn't real. I'm not a very fanciful person and don't like things to be pretend. I don't lie to my kids about anything and the Santa deal felt very borderline to me. (Please note--I know it goes differently in your family and however you do Santa, I TOTALLY respect and hope it's working for everyone. Maybe I'm envious that I couldn't make this work for me.)

It went well with Hannah. We talked about the many ways we love Christmas and how she decorated our apartment while I was sick, how we will make gingerbread houses and listen to good music and feel happy. We watched The Nativity a few times and talked about Baby Jesus. It worked for her.

Not so much with Leah. I feel terrible that she is so crushed. I'm grieving the loss of the twinkly sparkle she got when she found the elf and talked about Santa. Those things are gone now, but she IS wearing a bra and has a few zits. It was inevitable, I just wasn't ready. Are they really almost 7 and 10?! 

In some ways, it's a good step. We can take Christmas to the next level. Instead of fretting about Santa, they focus on what they will get for Christmas from me and Jacob. I'm smelling an opportunity to talk about gift giving and other things that make Christmas magical WITHOUT a make-believe elf and Santa. That kind of magical has to be learned and experienced repeatedly, it's harder to achieve and takes a lot of work. But I'd rather they experience the religious/traditional/caroling/calorie part of Christmas than the Santa part. It's more real and lasting.

Several weeks ago, I drafted a post about why I do the Elf on the Shelf and my feelings about it. Then I got sick. But it would have went really nicely here. I spent a good few weeks trying to decide if I wanted to do the Elf this year and figuring out how I felt about it. Maybe I should have left him in the backpack that's holding the spare sheets?!

Geez, this was long.

Comments

Jennifer Walker said…
I mourned the loss of Santa right along with both my children. It was horrible. It's one more step to them not being babies any more (although they will always be my babies). The loss of innocence is a loss no one really talks about in parenting books--but they should! Because this particular loss (Santa) is particularly painful! Rachel found out while reading Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing. Sam never really believed. Now my kids don't even want to go through the motions of putting cookies out for Santa. Sob.
December 19, 2013 at 9:14 AM
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