The Bottom Line
This is one of those times where writing might help clear up some thoughts I have. I've mentioned before that Hannah does or says something everyday that surprises me. This story is a classic example. It's been developing for a few days and has gone from shocking to hilarious and ended up at heartbreaking.
Some background: Hannah had a best friend boyfriend. I don't know what else to call it. She loves him like a friend and had a kindergarten crush on the poor boy. Hannah has the emotional capacity of a 12 year old and I think it's hard for those her age to keep up with her.
The Shocking:
Last Thursday at dinner, Leah announced to the group that Hannah and her boy toy had been touching each other's private parts behind a tree during recess. I know I should be past the point where Hannah does something that surprises me. This caught me a little off guard, so I told Hannah we can't be doing that kind of stuff, bodies aren't to share like that, and don't do it again. I quietly wondered where the teacher was during all this.
The Hilarious. Kind of:
I honestly forgot about the whole thing until the next day. I meant to email the teacher, really I did, but I got to work and it left my head. So there may or may not have been a fondling party at recess that day. The girls got home that day--bringing Kalen theWonder Stud with them. Without permission from his mom. After a little persuasion, I loaded him and the girls in the car to go find his house. Just as I was leaving, his mom pulls into the driveway, saying, "The school gave me your name, address and phone number. Isn't it great that we live in such a small town?" We get acquainted and find out that her oldest son is one of my students at the high school. She also mentioned, in her most condescending voice, "I had to live with my parents once, too."
She starts to leave and I drop the bomb--that our little lovebirds have been touching each other at school. It would be an understatement to say that she didn't it take it well. She didn't raise her voice. Her voice DROPPED. Which is a worse reaction.
"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I can't believe this. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
I told her I would talk to Hannah and email the teacher. And being the naive, overworked single mum with loose children, I innocently thought that would be the end of it.
She called back 30 minutes later. In summation, she sat with Kalen in the car and grilled him, in her best mommy voice, about what happened. She called their little escapades, "The Bottom Game". The Bottom Game. In which we touch each other's bottoms, front and back. Front bottoms. Back bottoms. The Bottom Game. A few tasty tidbits from this conversation:
--She roled played with Kalen to teach him to say no to Hannah. She was Hannah, hiding in a bush and asking him to play the Bottom Game. She made him repeat her words, "I cannot play that game with you" until he said them exactly.
--She said, "I don't know about your family, but in our family, we believe that a child knows right from wrong until they are 8." First of all, her family shouldn't believe that. Children start to learn right from wrong at Day 1, but they aren't ACCOUNTABLE until they are 8. What I should have said, "Wait....you're Mormon, right? I've heard of that before."
--She also said, "I don't know about your family, but there hasn't been any sexual abuse in our family." What I should have said, "None that you know of, lady."
--She ALSO said, "I don't know about your family, but we don't watch very many t.v. shows or movies and we screen them pretty carefully." What I should have said, "Goodbye."
--She told me that her kids had been homeschooled until a few years ago, and that she has never had this kind of problem with any of her kids before. I tried to mention that developmentally, this is very typical for kindergartners to be interested in bodies and functions. I wasn't taking this as a moral/religious issue in which Hannah would need to go visit the bishop on Sunday. She then offered advice on how to talk to Hannah so she would never, ever do something like this again.
I think I spent the weekend in shock about this exchange. The Bottom Game? Sexual abuse? Wha.......?
*insert me telling everyone I know about this and having a good laugh for several days*
The Heartbreaking:
The girls left for the weekend and I told everyone I could about this exchange. Because some stories are really worth sharing. Monday came and I went to the school to talk to Hannah's teacher before the bell rang. She said that Kalen's mom had requested that the two be separated at all times, especially during recess. I mentioned that for me, this was more of a developmental issue than a moral/religious transgression. Whatever. I thought I could chalk this up to a good Hannah story and classic case of super conservative, overreacting motherhood. We left the school and saw Kalen's dad waiting outside to pick him up and make sure he wasn't lured home by the neighborhood hussie. After we got home, Hannah looked completely dejected. She told she was so sad and confused, didn't understand why she can't play with her best friend anymore and why doesn't his mom like her? She sat in my lap, wrapped up in her Winnie-the-Pooh blanket, holding a bunny and rocked with me for an hour and a half--eyes half-closed, head buried. This ranks as Top 5 Saddest Mom Moments ever. I don't know what the other 4 are, but I could come up with something. Hannah rocked, I fumed and thought of a million speeches that all began with, "Lighten up, lady. You made this so much worse than it needed to be."
Some background: Hannah had a best friend boyfriend. I don't know what else to call it. She loves him like a friend and had a kindergarten crush on the poor boy. Hannah has the emotional capacity of a 12 year old and I think it's hard for those her age to keep up with her.
The Shocking:
Last Thursday at dinner, Leah announced to the group that Hannah and her boy toy had been touching each other's private parts behind a tree during recess. I know I should be past the point where Hannah does something that surprises me. This caught me a little off guard, so I told Hannah we can't be doing that kind of stuff, bodies aren't to share like that, and don't do it again. I quietly wondered where the teacher was during all this.
The Hilarious. Kind of:
I honestly forgot about the whole thing until the next day. I meant to email the teacher, really I did, but I got to work and it left my head. So there may or may not have been a fondling party at recess that day. The girls got home that day--bringing Kalen theWonder Stud with them. Without permission from his mom. After a little persuasion, I loaded him and the girls in the car to go find his house. Just as I was leaving, his mom pulls into the driveway, saying, "The school gave me your name, address and phone number. Isn't it great that we live in such a small town?" We get acquainted and find out that her oldest son is one of my students at the high school. She also mentioned, in her most condescending voice, "I had to live with my parents once, too."
She starts to leave and I drop the bomb--that our little lovebirds have been touching each other at school. It would be an understatement to say that she didn't it take it well. She didn't raise her voice. Her voice DROPPED. Which is a worse reaction.
"Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I can't believe this. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
I told her I would talk to Hannah and email the teacher. And being the naive, overworked single mum with loose children, I innocently thought that would be the end of it.
She called back 30 minutes later. In summation, she sat with Kalen in the car and grilled him, in her best mommy voice, about what happened. She called their little escapades, "The Bottom Game". The Bottom Game. In which we touch each other's bottoms, front and back. Front bottoms. Back bottoms. The Bottom Game. A few tasty tidbits from this conversation:
--She roled played with Kalen to teach him to say no to Hannah. She was Hannah, hiding in a bush and asking him to play the Bottom Game. She made him repeat her words, "I cannot play that game with you" until he said them exactly.
--She said, "I don't know about your family, but in our family, we believe that a child knows right from wrong until they are 8." First of all, her family shouldn't believe that. Children start to learn right from wrong at Day 1, but they aren't ACCOUNTABLE until they are 8. What I should have said, "Wait....you're Mormon, right? I've heard of that before."
--She also said, "I don't know about your family, but there hasn't been any sexual abuse in our family." What I should have said, "None that you know of, lady."
--She ALSO said, "I don't know about your family, but we don't watch very many t.v. shows or movies and we screen them pretty carefully." What I should have said, "Goodbye."
--She told me that her kids had been homeschooled until a few years ago, and that she has never had this kind of problem with any of her kids before. I tried to mention that developmentally, this is very typical for kindergartners to be interested in bodies and functions. I wasn't taking this as a moral/religious issue in which Hannah would need to go visit the bishop on Sunday. She then offered advice on how to talk to Hannah so she would never, ever do something like this again.
I think I spent the weekend in shock about this exchange. The Bottom Game? Sexual abuse? Wha.......?
*insert me telling everyone I know about this and having a good laugh for several days*
The Heartbreaking:
The girls left for the weekend and I told everyone I could about this exchange. Because some stories are really worth sharing. Monday came and I went to the school to talk to Hannah's teacher before the bell rang. She said that Kalen's mom had requested that the two be separated at all times, especially during recess. I mentioned that for me, this was more of a developmental issue than a moral/religious transgression. Whatever. I thought I could chalk this up to a good Hannah story and classic case of super conservative, overreacting motherhood. We left the school and saw Kalen's dad waiting outside to pick him up and make sure he wasn't lured home by the neighborhood hussie. After we got home, Hannah looked completely dejected. She told she was so sad and confused, didn't understand why she can't play with her best friend anymore and why doesn't his mom like her? She sat in my lap, wrapped up in her Winnie-the-Pooh blanket, holding a bunny and rocked with me for an hour and a half--eyes half-closed, head buried. This ranks as Top 5 Saddest Mom Moments ever. I don't know what the other 4 are, but I could come up with something. Hannah rocked, I fumed and thought of a million speeches that all began with, "Lighten up, lady. You made this so much worse than it needed to be."
Comments
Good luck in getting her through this.
Xoxo